A wealthy business mogul, who dealt in dark magic, had an ingenious idea to sell products faster. He cursed an entire generation of Americans with fifteen minute attention spans. This made true love and true friendship nearly impossible, for both … Continue reading
Tag Archives: friends
Two best friends were trying to come up with a business plan together, but each had a very strong opinion. One wanted to open up a doughnut shop and the other an ice cream shop. Creating both would be too … Continue reading
Saturday Haiku: Friends of/are Friends
Jason attended parties
at which he did not know
the guest of honor.
Other people would
invite him as “plus one”–
make him feel welcome.
Jason never felt
the invite was correct…
…Then the host welcomed him.
Jason felt brand new.
He lost himself in good.
There was no mistake.
Be nice to all guests.
Some say, “Strangers are friends
you haven’t met yet.”
– Alex Schattner (9/15/12)
Jackie in the Wrong
Jackie thought her advice was as good as gold. For this reason, she would bestow her advice whether or not it was desired. When her oldest friend mentioned being unhappy, Jackie told her to eat more dessert. When her second oldest friend broke up with her boyfriend, Jackie was pleased.
“He was always wrong for you,” jackie said, “You need a guy who can take care of you financially, because you can’t really make money as an artist.” her friend was shocked to hear this, because she thought her art career was progressing.
Jackie’s boyfriend was aware of Jackie’s judgmental side, but he looked at it from a positive angle. He loved that she cared enough about her friends to listen to their problems. What he wasn’t expecting, was that her high standards would keep her from saying “yes” to his marriage proposal. One night, while they were watching a “life’s too short” movie, he popped the question.
“Let’s get married,” he said, “I love you. You love me. We should spend the rest of our lives together.” jackie was not pleased.
“You’re asking me on our couch,” she said, “This is not romantic. Ask me someplace nicer, and I will consider it.”
Jackie went back to her apartment, and had a very vivid dream that night. She saw her oldest friend sitting at an ice cream counter. She looked almost unrecognizable; hidden under layers of fat. Jackie tapped her on the shoulder, and looked her in the eye.
“Stop eating your feelings!” Jackie said.
“But you told me I should,” said her oldest friend, and the scene faded behind a wave of vanilla. Jackie was suddenly in a fancy restaurant. She was seated in a booth beside her second oldest friend, and a man in a very expensive suit. The man spoke loudly while the second oldest friend played nervously with her wedding band.
“What happened to you–the outspoken artist?” Jackie asked.
“His money owns me now,” her friend said, and the scene faded behind marinara sauce. Jackie was transported to summer’s field. Her boyfriend was down on one knee, holding a box in his hand.
“Jackie, will you eat a hamburger with me?” he asked, and he opened the box to reveal an all-beef patty on a sesame seed bun.
“What?” jackie said.
“Everything looks perfect,” her boyfriend said, looking around, “This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”
“No. It’s the words that are important,” Jackie said.
“But you didn’t think so before,” he said, shoving the hamburger in her mouth. Jackie awoke instantly. She threw on robe, and rushed over to her boyfriend’s house where she shouted, “yes,” and vowed never to let go of him again. From there, she called her friends to tell them the good news, and took back all of her advice. Never again would Jackie give advice without first thinking about the consequences.
Written by Alex Schattner (8/10/12)
All For Eva
Eva would buy anything as long as someone famous owned it. When she flipped through magazines, she wanted every product on every page. She wanted a blue handbag to match her blue dress, and an emerald green coat to match … Continue reading
The Mistaken Rocketeers
Sam Wrighton was the proud coach of a little league baseball team, The Rocketeers. He held the role for two seasons, and was moving into his third. The previous coach had taken the job way too seriously. He quit due … Continue reading
There once was a dog, a Yorkshire Terrier, born to humble beginnings. He was the runt of his litter, and the least loved by his mother. While all his brothers and sisters quickly found loving homes, he was left alone … Continue reading
The Girl with a Voice
Courtney Preston often told interviewers that she came out of the womb singing, but that was not in fact the case. The real answer felt too personal. Her mom was a small-time singer/songwriter who would sing her little girl to … Continue reading
Mr. Vandyke = Business
There once lived a man named Mr. Vandyke who made more money in a year than he could spend in a lifetime. Every dollar he earned just made him want to work harder. Over time, this desire ruined his social … Continue reading