Her Own Man

Delia was a young, single, witch looking for a great guy to spend her life with. Jacob was her current man. They had been out two times before, and she was really starting to like him. They both enjoyed slipping puns into casual conversation, eating ice cream in winter, and watching horror films that would later prevent them from sleeping.  After dinner, Jacob walked Delia home. She was cold, so he gave her his coat.

When they reached the door to her apartment, Jacob leaned in for a first kiss. Delia happily welcomed his advance. She expected to feel fireworks, but what she really felt was so much better.  Their mouths moved in sync, as if one could predict the other. Delia felt more comfortable—more herself—than she had ever felt before.

So, when their lips parted, Delia told him that her birthday was in a week, and she would be throwing a party complete with friends and family.

“I hope you don’t think it’s too soon, but my parents are going to be there and I’d like you to meet them.” said Delia. Jacob responded with another kiss.

“I would be honored,” he said before leaving with a wide grin on his face.

Later that night, Delia was alone with her thoughts. She imagined how her friends and parents would respond to Jacob, and she started to become more and more aware of his shortcomings. Suddenly he wasn’t tall enough, and his nose was too big for his face, and he was overweight, and his jokes were stupid. He would be an embarrassment.

Seeking an immediate solution, Delia took out her spell book, and flipped through its pages until she found one marked “Casting a Dreamboat.” All she needed was flour, sugar, raw meat, leafs of a dying tree, chicken claws, and something that belonged to Jacob. She had all of these things, and once the cauldron was bubbling, she dropped Jacob’s coat into the potion. Soon her whole apartment smelled like beef stew, and cologne. She let the potion simmer for a while, before pouring a portion of it into a tea mug, and gulping it down. According to the instructions, this would turn Jacob into the man of Delia’s dreams.

The next morning, Delia woke up excited to make plans with the “new” Jacob as soon as possible, but when she sat up she noticed that everything in her room looked a little different, as if the perspective were off. She walked into the bathroom, looked into the mirror and screamed. She was as beautiful as ever, but she was also a man. Trying not to freak out too much, she ran to the kitchen and reviewed the “Dreamboat” spell again. She had added everything appropriately, except for the coat. Jacob gave her the coat.

Nowhere on the page did it mention a cure to her gender transformation. For all she knew, she could be stuck as her perfect man forever. The worst part was that he wasn’t very funny.

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